Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Bush bucket o' boneless chicken

As Cindy Sheehan nears the completion of day 11 of her vigil outside President Bush's ranch in Crawford, it's time to issue another boneless chicken award.

The first boneless chicken award went to Bill Frist when he flip-flopped on how much he was willing to fight for John Bolton, and later, when he flip-flopped on stem cell research.

George W. Bush is such a spineless chicken hawk, he can't even muster the courage to hear the concerns of the mother of an American soldier killed in Iraq.

There are two more boneless chicken awards going out today. One of them goes to Larry Northern. He's the guy who ran over the crosses and flags lined up at Camp Casey to pay respect to American soldiers killed in Iraq. According to a report posted on 2millionth web log (via NTodd), Northern wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. He was caught

because one of the truck's tires was impaled by a cross, and the cops found a couple more crosses apparently jammed in the undercarriage.

Elsewhere, I've suggested that since Mr. Northern is so good at hitting things by the side of the road, an appropriate punishment might be to have him drive his chicken hick mobile up and down the airport highway in Baghdad until he finds an IED.

I'm issuing a last boneless chicken award to Larry Matledge. He's the guy who, while the Camp Casey protestors were conducting a prayer service, showed up at the edge of his property and fired two shots into the air with his shotgun. When sheriff's deputies and Secret Service later turned up, Matledge managed to get a few words out of his little redneck chicken brain:
"I ain't threatening nobody, and I ain't pointing a gun at nobody," Matledge said. "This is Texas."

If anyone comes across a better picture of Mr. Matledge, I'd be happy to stick his mug on a bucket of boneless chicken.

At least Matledge's cousin, Fred Matledge, has a bit more common sense, courage, and principles. He's a military veteran who offered Cindy Sheehan and her supporters a spot on his property closer to the Bush ranch to continue the vigil. Fred Matledge deserves a medal for his gracious decency.


At 8/17/2005 07:38:00 PM, Blogger Mixter said...

the cops found a couple more crosses apparently jammed in the undercarriage.

Guys like this win the Darwin Awards every year.


At 8/17/2005 09:40:00 PM, Blogger Abby Taylor said...

Ask any ER doc... nothing like a few crosses jammed in your undercarriage to screw up your weekend.

At 8/18/2005 06:19:00 AM, Blogger Schroeder said...


mixter, looks like we have a new pair of competitors. Maybe they'll go all the way next time.

At 8/18/2005 08:47:00 AM, Blogger Ms Bees Knees said...

Oh man, I want to have Larry Matledge's retarded babies. Dayum! People like that make my head hurt y'all!

At 8/18/2005 11:31:00 AM, Blogger Schroeder said...

Er...unfortunately, I don't think the extra chromosomes make it possible for special people like Matledge to reproduce, but I'll bet he's got a few livestock he's tried it with.

At 8/18/2005 03:02:00 PM, Blogger Mixter said...

That was the funniest thing I read today! Thanks!



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