Friday, November 25, 2005

Brownie's heckuva job consulting

Arabian horse's ass and fired FEMA director Michael Brown has advice for disaster planners in his new disaster consulting firm: Appearances are more important than actual results.

Officials need to "take inventory" of what's going on in a disaster to be able to answer questions to avoid appearing unaware of how serious a situation is.

Your job as a disaster planner is choir leader. Don't get involved in the details. If people didn't prepare for the unthinkable, that's just their own fault:
Hurricane Katrina showed how bad disasters can be, and there's an incredible need for individuals and businesses to understand how important preparedness is.

Here are more of Michael Brown's recommendations gleaned from his own experience:
  • Roll up your sleeves to make it look like you're working.
  • Complaints of rustic public toilet facilities should not be heeded. Being close to nature is next to Godliness.
  • Give yourself plenty of time to dine and relax.
  • When the going gets tough, blame the victims for becoming victims.
  • Domestic concerns like finding a pet-sitter should take precedence over disaster relief.
  • Be wary of private contributions of material and services -- give yourself at least a few days before you decide to accept anything.
  • Don't take seriously warnings of people dying and serious riots due to lack of food, water, and shelter -- that's just whining. It'll pass in a few days after people get used to the conditions. Just tell your colleagues you're taking their concerns into consideration.
  • Have a large wardrobe on hand. You'll want to change attire often for dinner engagements and photo ops. Nordstroms recommended.
  • Have a makeup person on hand for photo ops.
  • Whatever you do, don't send supplies directly into a disaster area. Instead, have them sent to as wide a distribution area as possible.
  • Don't waste your time with news -- it's biased and can make things seem worse than they really are.
  • Keep in mind that you won't want to go directly into a disaster area because there won't be any fast food burger joints open.
  • Problems happen. When attention starts to focus on you, complain about how hard your job is. Asking subordinates when you can quit is a good tactic and may also boost morale.

Michael Brown's emails can be read in pdf form at CNN.


At 11/25/2005 08:43:00 AM, Blogger oyster said...

Your list is a public service.

Along the same lines, I would like to find out who Brown's new clients are. Any company who would pay for his services should be sold short.

At 11/25/2005 11:34:00 AM, Blogger CmdrSue said...

This just proves on a whole new level that Brownie doesn't have a lick of sense. I agree with Oyster. Any company that would contract this idiot deserves to be publicly shamed. (Ok, that may not be exactly what Oyster said, but it's still a good idea.)

At 11/25/2005 04:06:00 PM, Blogger velvet_rut said...

i'm not surprised that he's becoming a "perception management" consultant.

what a sociopath.

At 11/25/2005 05:13:00 PM, Blogger Schroeder said...

"Individual news organizations were often able to 'take control of the story,' shaping the news before the Pentagon asserted its spin on the day's events."

They "lost control of the context"???

A bizarre country this is to have freedom of the press while the government is manipulating the truth. Thanks for the Rolling Stone link.

At 11/26/2005 11:31:00 AM, Blogger Mixter said...

How many government contracts will Drownie be granted?


At 11/29/2005 05:42:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Schroeder,

My name is Martie Lynch, but a lot of my colleagues here in San Diego call me "Lucy" ( as in Van Pelt). I am a licensed and nationally board-certified Physician Assistant. Immediately after Katrina hit ( I had my 15 1/2 yr old golden retriever, Rocky, humanely euthanized on the 29th so I took that day off) I spent 6 incredibly frustrating days working to become a federalized health provider to assist with Katrina relief efforts. I was federalized on Saturday, 9/03/05 through the US Dept. of HHS and by the state of Louisiana and told to wait for my San Diego County Medical Society to contact me for deployment instructions. By Wednesday, 9/06/05, I was still waiting. I got fed-up, bought my own airline ticket, filled prescriptions for insulin, antibiotics, anti-hypertensive meds and a lot of basic first aid needs. I found a church on the Internet in Houston who agreed to be my hosts. I spent 10 very humbling days with remarkable New Orleans evacuees at the Astrodome, Reliant Arena and the George Brown Convention Center. But for me to even get there to help depended completely on my stubborn insistence and willingness to ignore the government's embarrassing paralysis and apathy.

Since my return to San Diego on 9/18 I have spent countless hours trying to contact anyone in Louisiana with an ounce of gumption to help me take my idea and make it real. My earlier reference to "Lucy" goes to her sidewalk 5 cent psychiatry stand. I, like Lucy, believe that what my patients need most, frequently even more than pills, is a compassionate ear. I'm sure that I helped as many "tummy aches" in the Reliant Arena with hugs as I did with drugs.

I would like to come to Louisiana and set up some of those FEMA trailers as "Community Primary Care Clinics". I am required by my licensing academy to work with one or more physicians ( MDs and/or DO's ). I would be very content to live in one of those FEMA trailers myself in order to become part of the neighborhood. That engenders trust within the medical community one serves.

Because I am in a House Call practice now in San Diego I know how little money is required to set up such a clinic, equip it and provide some respectful, preventive and routine lower-tech health care. I have been unable to get anyone from the national or state level to respond. I ma just one woman medical provider, but if just one other person joined me, my potential to succeed would double, and so on and so on...

I did have a brief conversation 2-3 weeks ago with the mayor of Baker, LA . My understanding is that FEMA had set up 1200 trailers, 600 on each end of Baker but provided no additional health services to care for all the new trailer residents. That is grossly unfair to the exisiting residents and health providers of Baker, not to mention how invisible the new residents must be feeling. The mayor seemed astonished that anyone even knew about Baker's FEMA (Thema) Park, or that anyone, least of all a health provider actually gave a damn. But I do. give a damn.

I am prepared to come to New Orleans, or Baker right after January, 2006 to set up the first clinic. I know that it is a small step, but that is the only kind I know how to take. I think my idea can work and may offer some very small hope to some people who don't have much, but deserve to keep the little they have left.

If you are interested in helping me, either by publicizing my idea and my willingness to implement it or in some other tangible way please contact me. My email address is:

My medical practice telephone number is (858) 229-4614.


Martie Lynch BS, PA-C
Respectful HealthCare, founder
Physician Assistant
Primary Care/Internal Med./Geriatrics
San Diego, CA.


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