Sunday, July 09, 2006

Hey, look'a me -- I'm a "local entity!"

So can I sign up for one of those $300,000 grants that "Care Unlimited" is getting from the state budget?

Oh ... what's that? I have to leave a cut of the money in Dollar Bill's freezer?

Damn -- I don't know if that'd be such a good idea right now. Isn't there, like, FBI tape on his freezer and stuff?

Maybe I should run for judge instead. You only have to work every other week, and on the off weeks, you get to go to taxpayer-funded exotic destinations like Jamaica for "training." Hee hee.

Hey, look'a me -- I'm, like, "a judge" -- phhhwa-ha-ha-ha.

Well what do you 'spect me to do? I'm just one judge. 6000 cases will have to wait. I needs my training. If you be havin' any questions, I'll check my voice mail when I get back from Jamaica.

Oh wait ... no. I have it. This is even better. Aren't we about to get an influx of billions of dollars from the feds. I'm going to get into the "economic development" racket. Yeah, that's the ticket. All I have to do is call myself a "bishop" or a "reverend," cop a holier-than-thou pose for my head shot, come up with some regal-looking coat of arms, and pay someone to run an office with "recovery" or "rebuilding" in the organization's name.

Hey, look'a me -- I'm a "bishop" promoting "economic development!" Oh ... wait ... that's rich! If I laugh any harder, I'll give myself a hernia.

On a positive note, I finally cracked open the Saturday paper, and I see that the City Council finally voted on Thursday to study how much it would cost to create a city ethics board and an independent inspector general. The estimate is $200,000, but state ethics officials think the city would be served better by toughening state laws and using existing state investigative offices.

Sunday morning music: JS Bach, "Goldberg Variations," Glenn Gould (1955 version).

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