"Freedom" just isn't cutting it anymore

Anyone noticed the spike in American military casualties and wounded in Iraq, in just the last week? There's no need to remind readers what the Bush administration was saying about how Iraq was going to be a cakewalk.

Well, kudos to Akh360 for steering me to these letters, originally posted in "DEAR MR. PRESIDENT LETTERS" on McSweeney's site:

Dear Mr. President,

What happened to the "Mission Accomplished" banner? Can I have it?

Sincerely,
Ali


Dear Mr. President,

My husband is a soldier, and I don't want him to die, especially for reasons that no one understands. Maybe you can ease a young wife's mind and tell me, what exactly are these wars really about?

Because "freedom" just isn't cutting it anymore.

Sincerely,
Nicole Purtell


Dear Mr. President,

Recently I've been (re)reading my copy of the Federalist Papers, and something has struck me as odd.

The framers of the Constitution of the United States had a very convincing argument for keeping the union intact, so as to lessen the chance of a foreign country invading us, and also to lessen the chances of going to war with another country.

Nowhere in them do they mention a purpose aimed towards eventually ignoring the constitution they wrote, and wantonly attacking other countries.

Sincerely,
Andrew Helm


Dear Mr. President,

Why, man, why?

Do you want to make the world clean for Jesus, or do you want to make your friends rich, or are those the same thing to you?

And why, seriously, why do you want to use the blood of my generation to do it?

Sincerely,
Phillip Grayson


Dear Mr. President,

My faith teaches that all actions have consequence—you reap what you sow. If you don't change course, your paragraph in the history books will say:

"C-student, son of a former president, executed more people as Governor of Texas than any other Governor in US history. Led the country during the worst terrorist attack in history. Oversaw a lackluster economy and invasion of two countries. Cut taxes for the rich and lowered social security benefits for the old."

Find something in that paragraph that will get you into Heaven.

Good luck and God Bless.

Sincerely,
Stephen Dove


Dear Mr. President,

There is a hole in the ozone.

Just thought you should know.

Sincerely,
Ellen Haden

And there's more. These are just funny as hell:

Dear Mr. President,

I was wondering if you could feed my cats for me this weekend. I am planning to visit my sister in San Diego, and I haven't been able to find someone else to do it.

Their names are Moo and Mao. (Moo is the fluffy one). They might not come inside the house for you, so if that happens just make sure they have some water on the front porch, and I will take care of them on Sunday.

Let me know if you need a key.

Sincerely,
Kyle Herrman


Dear Mr. President,

My friend Pat has five million butts. My other friend Pat winks at girls. I like the clarinet and the even distribution of resources.

Sincerely,
Liam Connolly


Dear Mr. President,

Do you believe that dinosaurs existed? In evolution? That the earth was created in seven days?

Would you please go on TV and let everyone know what you think?

Sincerely,
Dan Harrington


Dear Mr. President,

While I was surfing the Internet this afternoon, I came across your 2003 federal financial disclosure form. I didn't mean to be nosy, but I was pretty curious to see what you were disclosing. I noticed that you received two (2) puzzles as gifts during the year. Are you a big puzzle fan? Do you and the first lady like to relax with a puzzle after a hard day's work? One of the puzzles was apparently valued at $1800. What is this, the GREATEST PUZZLE EVER? I think the most expensive puzzle I ever did cost maybe $12.

Good luck with the puzzles! If you need some more, I have some He-Man and Transformers puzzles in my parents' attic. They are fun.

Sincerely,
Paul DeGeorge